Movin' in With Quagmire
by Murvine Taylor
Summary: After getting injured because of Peter's stupidity and not getting any care from the rest of his family, Brian moves in with Quagmire, despite them being enemies. Meanwhile, Peter gets a new hairdo and everybody thinks that he is Miley Cyrus, but Lois wants him to change his hair back.
1. Came in like a wrecking ball

Chapter 1

Sitting on the sofa, Peter was flipping channels.

"Ugh, there's nothing good on TV anymore," he moaned, and making a fist he said, "I wish to kill the writers who make all these crappy TV show episodes."

Lois, who was standing in the room with Peter, holding a basket of laundry, suggested, "Or you can just change the channel."

"I've tried that," Peter complained.

Lois then offered Peter some other advice. "Then why don't you go do something else, like go out or something?"

Looking at the TV, in which the "Wreaking Ball" by Miley Cyrus music video was shown, Peter then said, optimistically, "That's it! I know what I'm gonna do today!"

Running out, he then shouted, "BYE LOIS, SEE YOU WHEN I GET HOME!" He went to his car and drove off.

As soon as Peter was gone, Lois sighed, "Whatever floats his boat."

One hour later, after getting a Miley Cyrus hairdo, Peter hijacked a wrecking ball truck.

At an old building, which was going to be replaced, a construction worker said, "Where the hell is the wrecking ball truck?"

As soon as he drove the truck home, Peter began to strip and put on make-up to look like Miley, in the video and hopping on the ball, he said, "I can't wait to surprise my family."

Inside, Brian was in the living room watching the news.

"Construction workers complain of being robbed of piece of equipment," said the news reporter.

Brian replied, "That robber should be brought to justice."

In just a few moments, Peter swung, crashing into the living room, singing, "I CAME IN LIKE A WREKING BALL!"

"What the hell?!" Brian gasped, "What is going on?"

Peter continued swinging and singing "Wrecking Ball," while Brian was running, trying to avoid getting hit.

"PETER! STOP, BEFORE SOMEBODY GETS HURT!" he warned, yet Peter did not listen. He continued to swing and Brian ran into the dining room, hoping he would be safe . . . but not for long . . . As Peter continued swinging, the ball crashed into the dining room, crushing Brian's body.

"AHHHHHH!" Brian screamed, "SOMEBODY CALL 9-11!"

Lois who entered the room said, "Brian, are you okay?"

"No," Brian moaned in pain and Lois said,

"Don't worry, I will call the ambulance."

At the animal hospital, inside a room, where Brian was, Lois asked the vet, who had black hair and round glasses, "Is he going to be alright?"

"Well," the vet said, "He is going to need major surgery and physical rehab for a year."

"How much will it cost?" Peter asked.

"Two hundred thousand dollars," answered the vet.

Shocked, Peter responded, "WHAT?! Health insurance won't pay for it and plus we need that money to repair our home."

"What's wrong with it?" the vet wondered.

"There's a huge hole in our house."

Brian, who was now in a full body cast, replied sarcastically, "Gee, I wonder why; oh, maybe because you were stupid enough to SWING ON A FUCKING WRECKING BALL!"

"Geez, Brian, you don't have to cuss him out," Lois said.

"Actually I do," Brian said still angry, "He is the same guy who put me in this position in the first place."

"Accidents happen," Peter said, trying to lighten the mood, "You must forgive and forget."

"Yeah," Lois said, "What would Jesus do?"

Brian then replied, "Number one, stupidity isn't an accident, number two, you should know that I am atheist by now!"

Peter then said, "Okay I get it. Is there anything we can do for you?"

"Yeah," Brian said, "Pay for my medical expenses and for the rehab that I need to get back on my feet."

"But it's too expensive Brian," Peter said.

"Hey if you can afford that shitty hairdo and to get away with swinging on a wrecking ball without your damn clothes on, then you should be able to afford my medical expenses," Brian continued, "Peter, do you realize that you made a really bad decision?"

"Yes, Brian," Peter replied, "Maybe I should have gotten a Mohawk instead."

"You are missing the point, Peter," Brian said, "I don't care about your stupid haircut!"

"Hey," Peter said defensively, "My haircut is not stupid and just for that you really do deserve to be injured."

"You know what?" Brian said, "JUST GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FUCKING SITE, NOW!"

All except for Meg, the Griffins left the room.

"YOU TOO, MEG!"

"But Brian, I-, "Meg began.

"GO, NOW!"

Meg then left the room, feeling a bit terrified of Brian's yelling and anger and as soon as everyone left, Brian thought, _those assholes._


	2. Super FAKE Star

Chapter 2

Peter started showing off his new look around town.

"Are you Miley Cyrus," a girl asked Peter, "Because I am a huge fan."

Peter then lied, "Why of course I am. I just gained some weight. You know all the stress."

"Well can you sign my autograph?" the girl asked pulling out a piece of paper and pen.

"Sure," he said, taking the pen and paper and writing, in cursive, "Miley Cyrus."

"Thank you," the girl said. She then went to her friends and said, "HEY GUYS LOOK IT'S MILEY CYRUS!"

"OMG!" one friend squealed, "I love Miley Cyrus."

Just then a bunch of Miley Cyrus fans began to swarm all over Peter.

"WE LOVE YOU MILEY!"

"YOU ARE AN INSPIRATION!"

A hater then said, "DON'T LISTEN TO THEM! YOU WERE MUCH BETTER AS HANNAH MONTANNA!"

"DON'T LISTEN TO THAT BITCH! HE DON'T KNOW SHIT!"

"I WANT TO DATE YOU!"

"I WANT TO BE YOU!"

"OKAY GUYS," Peter announced, and the fans calmed down a little, "I know y'all love me, but I do need my space."

"We understand," a fan said.

"Good," Peter replied, "Now, everyone gets a turn at getting my autograph."

One by one, Peter was signing people's autographs as 'Miley Cyrus' and after that; they started chasing him into his car.

As soon as Peter got in he drove back to his house, which still had a hole in it from the wrecking ball.

There, Lois asked Peter, "Where have you been?"

"I was being chased by a lot of Miley Cyrus fans," Peter explained.

"Why were Miley Cyrus fans chasing you?" Lois wondered.

"They think I'm Miley Cyrus," Peter said, happily, "Lois, this look has really changed my life!"

"Peter," Lois began, "I think you should really change your hair back."

"Why? Then I will be just plain old Peter," Peter disagreed, "I have never felt this special in my life."

Lois replied, "Peter, we can't have a bunch of fans trying to break into our home. I mean you already broke it earlier when you swung on that wrecking ball naked."

"Yeah," Meg chimed in, "My room is destroyed and I have to sleep with Chris because of you."

"Shut up, Meg," Peter said to his daughter and to Lois, he said, "Lois, they are just a bunch of people, enthused about Miley."

"Peter," Lois tried to reason, "Do you really want fans constantly stalking you?"

The fans were outside of the half destroyed house, hiding in the bushes

"I saw Miley walk in here," a fan whispered, "So let's surprise her."

"Great idea," another fan whispered back.

They then popped out.

"HEY MILEY!" a fan shouted, entering through the hole that was created.

"Quick guys," Peter said to both his wife and kids, "Get in the closet before my fans see you."

All at once, he pushed his whole family in the coat closet.

"Peter," Lois began to say, "This is ridiculous," but Peter did not listen, rather he locked them all inside.

"Hey Miley," a young woman, in her twenties said, "Me and the other fans want to give you hugs."

Peter then said, "How sweet. FREE HUGS FOR EVERBODY FROM THE SAME CHICK WHO CAME IN LIKE A WRECKING BALL!"

Everyone then crowed around Peter to shower him with hugs. Some even brought him flowers.

"Hey Miley," a young man, holding a chocolate cake, saying 'You're the best,' said, "I made you a cake."

"Oh you are too kind," Peter replied.

"So why are you staying here?" a fan wondered and Peter said,

"Oh, I just rented this place, you know, until I have to go back to Hollywood."

"Why does it have a hole?" the same fan asked and Peter said,

"There have been a lot of termites, but don't worry they are all dead now."

"Well," another fan said, "We are glad that you are here. Why don't you sing us one of your songs?"

"Sure," Peter said, and everyone cheered and he began singing "We Can't Stop," then came "Wrecking Ball," and then "I adore you."

After those three songs, everyone hugged Peter some more, as Lois, Meg, Chris, and Stewie remained stuck in the closet, banging on the door.

"PETER!" Lois shouted, "YOU BETTER LET US OUT!" Yet no one could hear her.


	3. Jerk With a Heart of Gold

Chapter 3

Brian was in the dark in his hospital room, feeling miffed at Peter.

"Ugh, that damn Peter," Brian said to himself, "I hope he has gotten his karma."

A minute later, the Griffins came back in for another visit.

"Hey Brian," Peter said, enthusiastically, "Feeling any better?"

Brian responded bitterly, "Does it look like I'm feeling any better?"

"Cheer up, Brian," Lois said, trying to lighten the mood, "We all came to visit you."

"And I know what will make you feel better," Peter added.

"What?!" Brian snapped.

"Everyone thought I was Miley Cyrus," Peter began, "And they gave me autographs and a bunch of hugs, too!"

Brian replied sarcastically, "Oh well good for you."

"Come on, Brian," Lois said, "Peter was just trying to make you feel better."

Brian replied, "Look, maybe I would feel better if you just pay for my surgery and rehab!"

Lois then said, "Brian, I must agree with Peter. We can't waste our money on someone who isn't a human. We need that money to repair that hole in our house."

Feeling both heartbroken and pissed, Brian responded, "Not paying for me to get new teeth is one thing, but not paying for me to get back on my feet is a whole different story."

"Brian, look on the bright side," Meg suggested, "At least you're still alive."

"Actually," Brian began, "I'd be lucky to NOT be alive. In fact, I really do wish I stayed dead when I got killed off or just put down because none of you seem to care about me. You are just nothing but insensitive assholes!"

Quagmire, who was outside and able to hear the conversation, wondered to himself, "Is that the Griffins I hear? I think I should say hi to them."

Entering the room, he said, "Hey guys what's shake- HOLY CRAP, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU, BRIAN?!"

Brian answered, reluctantly, "It's a long story."

"What are you doing here, Glenn?" Lois asked.

Quagmire answered, "I just came here because I heard that the female vets are hot."

Lois then said, "That's kind of perverted."

"But that's what I am," Quagmire replied, "A pervert," and trying to change the subject he asked, "What happened to Brian?"

Peter answered, "Oh nothing, it's not a big deal. I was just swinging on a wrecking ball having a little fun."

Brian then yelled, "YEAH, YOUR FUN IS WHAT GOT ME IN THIS CONDITION IN THE FIRST PLACE AND NONE OF YOU BASTARDS ARE HELPING ME!" And beginning to cry, he said, "You are so insensitive. I just can't live with you bastards anymore. I am in misery. There ain't nobody who can comfort me. My whole body hurts, hell, even my fur hurts, but the worst part is that I will be in this condition for the rest of my life because I cannot get surgery or any physical therapy."

"Look at it this way, Brian," Chris said, "At least you have a good excuse to be lazy and pee on the floor."

"I agree," Stewie said, "Haven't you always wanted to piss on the floor without getting in trouble?"

This only made Brian feel worst. "That does not make me feel any better." He continued to cry uncontrollably.

Surprisingly feeling concerned, Quagmire said to the Griffins, "Okay, I know this is hypocritical since me and Brian are sworn enemies, but how could you do this to him?! I know I have done stuff to him before, but never would I do something this atrocious! First you knock out his teeth and now this? I may be a pervert, but I know pretty damn well how to help someone in need. Hell, I once helped Meg stand up to a bully before and I was the one who paid for Brian's new teeth."

"But didn't you knock them out again?" Stewie pointed.

"Yes," Quagmire said, "But that was just because Brian tricked me into buying a crappy condo, look, I really don't want to talk about that situation."

"Why did you knock out his teeth again?" Chris asked him and Quagmire said, rather irritated,

"I told you not to bring it up!"

"No you didn't. You told Stewie."

"Well what I told Stewie applies to everyone else. I don't want to talk about the situation, so do me a favor and leave me alone about it."

"Okay. Whatever."

To Brian, who was still in tears, yet finally calming down, Quagmire said, rather sympathetically, "Brian, even though we are enemies and been through so much in the past, I just want to let you know that I am here for you and I am going to help you though this because this is something that I wouldn't wish upon anyone, not even my enemies. I will take care of you. In fact, you can even stay with me at my place . . . if you like."

Feeling touched, Brian replied, "Wow, Quagmire. You are willing to help me when I am this hurt? Why haven't I seen this before? Also, I would love to stay with you. Hopefully, this will teach my family a lesson."

"Let's hope so," Quagmire said, "I hope they enjoy not having a dog."

Peter then said, "That's cool. I don't need a dog as long as I have fans."

"Um, fans?" Quagmire questioned, "What fans?"

Lois explained, "People think that he is Miley Cyrus."

"Oh, I see," Quagmire said, "Well, I'm not dumb enough to think that Peter is Miley."

Lois then said, "I've been telling Peter to change his hair back, but he won't listen."

"Because it's changed my life," Peter replied, with enthusiasm, "I am so famous now."

"His ego really needs feeding," Lois said, to Quagmire, rather annoyed.

"I see that," Quagmire replied.


	4. A new chapter in life

Chapter 4

Brian had undergone his first surgery and had five more to go. He was still in a full body cast, only this time, he was also in a motorized wheelchair. Quagmire, who had paid for Brian, drove him to the Griffins' now half destroyed house, got his stuff packed, and drove him to his house.

At the Griffins' house, Lois said, to the family, "Well, Brian's gone now, so things are going to be different."

Stewie then said, "Are we getting another dog?"

"Sadly, we can't afford it right now," Lois said, "First we have to pay to have this hole in our home repaired and for Peter to get his hair changed back."

Peter then said, "Says the same woman who looks like a carrot head."

"Oh," Lois added, "I almost forgot. We also have to pay for Peter to get mental help."

At Quagmire's house, Quagmire helped Brian into his bed.

"Thanks for doing this for me," Brian said.

"It was nothing," Quagmire replied, "Now; it's time to take your medicine."

He pulled out an oxycodone and a slice of a hot dog and stuffed the pill into the hot dog. He then gave the hot dog to Brian, who ate it.

Quagmire then petted Brian. "Good boy," he said and Brian replied,

"That's the first time you ever called me that. It's almost as if we went from being enemies to close friends."

"Well, it sure feels like it," Quagmire said, "We have started a new chapter in our lives."

"I agree," Brian replied, "Our hatred is history."

"It feels like I've reunited with an old friend," said Quagmire.

"Same," Brian said, "We started off as friends, then hated each other, and now we are friends again."

And he was right. Quagmire took care of Brian by: giving him his medication, feeding him, and siting on his bed side. Every night, Quagmire slept with Brian, to make sure that he was okay.

Four days later, Quagmire checked on Brian, once again.

"Hey Brian," Quagmire said to the dog, "How are you feeling?"

Brian answered, "Miserable. I'm tired of being confined to this damn bed."

Feeling sorry for Brian, Quagmire responded, "I know it's tough and I really wish that I could take away your pain."

"Thank you for your sympathy," Brian said.

"It's nothing," Quagmire replied, "I think what you need is to get out of the house. Maybe we can grab a drink."

"But I am in a full body cast," Brian pointed, "I can't move."

Quagmire then suggested, "How about I carry you. After all, you are a dog so you shouldn't be too hard to carry."

"Are you sure?" Brian asked and Quagmire said, "Just trust me."

So Quagmire carried Brian into his car, brought his wheelchair and drove to the Drunken Clam. When they entered people stopped and stared, but were doing it out of sympathy rather than pity.

"Is that your dog?" Asked a chick with long platinum blonde hair.

"Yes," Quagmire answered.

"What happened to him?"

Brian then said, "I can tell you."

"You talk?" the chick gasped.

"Yes," Brian answered.

"Mind telling us what happened to you?" the chick then said.

"Well," Brian began, "You see, I wasn't always the tortured shell of canine that writhes in pain before you today. I was a vibrant, carefree, happy go lucky dog."

Everyone showed concerned looks and Brian continued, "Upon watching TV at my old family's house, I found myself without any warning, getting hit and finally being crushed by a hard, unforgiving wrecking ball." After telling his story, questions aroused.

"How did you get hit by a wrecking Ball?"

"What do you mean as in your old family?"

"How long do you have to be in that cast?"

Brian explained, "I had a different owner at the time and he was stupid enough to swing on a wrecking ball. I didn't think that I would survive and I kind of wished that I didn't as I was in so much pain and none of the family wanted to pay for my medical expenses. Fortunately, Quagmire took me to his house and I now live with him."

"I thought you hated that dog," a guy, wearing a green polo shirt said to Quagmire.

"That is true," Quagmire pointed, "I hated this dog, but when I saw him like this, I knew I had to do something."

Brian added, "And when he came to my aid, I decided that I could no longer hate him."

"And that's how we became friends."

"Well," the blonde chick said to Quagmire, "You have such a big heart," and to Brian she said, "Also, you are such a brave and strong dog."

"I agree with my friend," another chick with brunette hair said.

Jerome then said, in tears, "Brian, your story really tugs my heartstrings. If I were in your position, I don't know what I would do. So anyway, what would you like to drink?"

"I'll have the usual," Brian said, "a glass of martini."

"Coming up," said Jerome and to Quagmire he said, "What would you like?"

Quagmire answered, "I'll have a couple of beers," and in a whispering tone he said, "I am stressed from taking care of an injured dog."

"Okay," the Jerome replied.

After they got their drinks, both Brian and Quagmire drank some more until they were drunk.

"Wow," Brian said, "Imma so drunk that I'm not in pain no more."

"That's good to heara," Quagmire replied.

"Hey guys," a man in a tux said to them, "I can take you home . . . in my fancy limousine."

"Wow," Quagmire said.

"Yup," the man said, "You deserved a ride in a limo."

When the man drove them home, Quagmire stumbled while pushing Brian in his wheelchair and when he carried him to the bed. The two then became knocked out.


	5. Brian, come home

Chapter 5

That next morning, at the Griffin's house, Peter put on make-up, fixed his Miley Cyrus haircut and then went to the door, only to be stopped by Lois.

"Where do you think you're going?" Lois asked firmly.

"I'm going to visit my fans," Peter explained.

"No you are not," Lois said, "because we, including you, are going to visit Brian and try to get him to come home."

"But why?" Peter wondered.

"Peter, Brian is the voice of reason," Lois explained, "Our family has fallen apart ever since he left. The kids have been fighting, you won't stop pretending to be Miley Cyrus, and I am going CRAZY!"

Soon, Chris, Meg, and Stewie rolled down the stairs beating each other up.

"See what I mean?" Lois added.

"Okay," Peter said, "But you're the one who refused to pay for Brian's medical expenses."

"Well," Lois said, "It was wrong of me, but it was also wrong of you to injure Brian, feel no remorse for it, and pretend to be Miley Cyrus."

The kids continued to fight until Lois shouted, "KIDS, STOP FIGHTING!" And all three settled down. Meg, Chris and Stewie, but mostly Meg, were all covered in bruises.

"Now," began Lois, "I have made a get well card for Brian. It is on the kitchen table and I need each and every one of you to sign it."

She then led everyone into the kitchen where a big card was standing upright on the table.

"I have written," Lois said and then began to read aloud, "Dear Brian, We hope you get well soon. Peter is sorry he hurt you and we are sorry we never helped you when you needed it. We hope that you will find it in your heart to forgive us, as we miss you very much. Things haven't been the same since you were gone and even though you are atheist, you are still in our thoughts and prayers. Love your family."

"Aww, that is so sweet Mom," said Meg and Peter replied with his usual

"Shut up, Meg."

"Actually," Chris began, "Meg's right. This card is sweet."

"I agree," Stewie said and then sighed, "I really miss Brian. He was my only friend and now all I have is my imaginary friend named Todd, but he isn't as good as Brian."

"What's wrong with Todd?" Chris wondered.

"Are you a dumbass? Todd is such a douche. He is constantly getting me in trouble," Stewie answered.

 _Stewie was sitting on the sofa, eating cookies, until Lois entered the room._

 _"Stewie, have you been stealing cookies from the cookie jar?" Lois asked._

 _"Why are you pinning the blame on me?" Stewie responded, "Todd did it."_

 _"Stewie," Lois said, "I know it was you."_

 _"It wasn't me," Stewie protested._

After everyone signed the card, Lois said to the kids, "Now let's go and visit Mr. Quagmire and Brian."

Peter then moaned, "But what about my fans?"

"That's too bad Peter," Lois pointed, "and after we visit, I will schedule an appointment with my hairdresser to have your hair changed back. Now go upstairs and wash off that makeup."

"But Lois," Peter started to say.

"Do it," Lois demanded.

After Peter removed the makeup, everyone went to Quagmire's house and rang the doorbell.

Quagmire answered and said, "Hey Peter, Lois, Meg, Chris and Stewie. What brings you all here?"

"Hey Glenn," Lois said, "We came by to bring Brian this get well card and to talk to him."

"Sure, come on in," Quagmire said, "He is in the living room."

The family entered the house and saw Brian, who was lying on the sofa bed.

"Hey Brian," Lois said, "How are you feeling?"

"Fine, until you got here," Brian said rather pissed.

"Brian don't be like that," Lois said, "We really miss you and we came here to give you a get well card and to ask you to please come back home."

"Why would I come home with you?" replied Brian, "After what you have done to me I never want to come back home."

Meg then said to Brian, "Brian the family has fallen apart without you and you are the only one in the family who cares about me."

"Yeah," Stewie said, "And you are my only friend."

Chris then said, "I agree. Please Brian."

Everyone, except Peter began to cry.

"We're really sorry," Lois choked.

"Well is that fat bastard Peter sorry?!" Brian began to raise his voice, "WELL IS HE?!"

Lois, who was still in tears, then said to her husband, "Peter, what do you have to say to Brian?"

Peter replied, "I am pissed off that Lois is going to schedule me an appointment to have my hair changed back."

"Peter," Lois said rather shocked, "I thought you two were friends. I can't believe you."

Peter then said, "Lois, I have learned to live without a dog. Now if you will excuse me, I'm going to visit my fans."

"Actually Peter," Quagmire said, "Your so called fans are at the real Miley's concert."

As he snapped his fingers, Peter said, "Damn."

"Peter," Quagmire said, "You are really not yourself. I mean you are still idiotic, but since when did you start to hate Brian?"

"He made fun of my hairdo," Peter said, "And since when did you start to care about Brian?"

"Wait," Quagmire said, "You don't care that Brian is hurt all because he insulted your haircut?"

"I also am upset by how he has an issue with you too," Peter said, "I have started to realized that."

"Peter," Quagmire said, "Me and Brian have made up and I must agree with Lois that the new you sucks."

"I agree," Meg chimed.

"Shut up, Meg," Peter said to her.

Brian then chimed in and said to Peter, "Actually Peter, Meg has a point. I'm surprised that she hasn't moved out like I did."

Lois then said as she petted Brian, "Brian, we will do anything to make it up to you."

Brian then said, "I don't know if you really mean it."

"Trust me, Brian," Lois said, and to both Quagmire and Brian she said, "We have to go home now, but you two take care."

After the family went back home, Lois picked up the phone and began to call the hair salon.

"Hello . . . Yes, I would like to schedule an appointment with my husband Peter . . . next Wednesday will work . . . Thank you . . . Bye."

"You better not have called that hairdresser," Peter said defensively.

"Too late," Lois said, 'Already did."

"You dick," Peter replied, "I will get you for this."


	6. Keeping his style

Chapter 6

Throughout the week, Peter begged Lois to cancel the hair appointment but Lois responded with a "No."

"Please, Lois. Let me keep my hair like this," Peter begged.

"For the last fricken time," Lois said rather annoyed, "You are getting your hair changed back and that's final. So shut up and get used to it."

Peter then thought miserably, _Whatever shall I do to keep my Miley Cyrus haircut._ An idea then popped into his head. _Wait I know._

So that Wednesday of Peter's hair appointment, Lois shouted to Peter, who was upstairs,

"PETER! IT'S TWO O' CLOCK. THAT MEANS IT'S TIME FOR YOUR HAIR APPOINTMENT! LET'S GET IN THE CAR!"

"BUT I'M NOT READY!" Peter shouted back.

Lois then said, "WHAT ELSE DO YOU HAVE TO DO?"

"I AM STILL TAKING MY SHOWER!" Peter shouted.

"WELL HURRY THE FRICK UP!" Lois said, "OR YOU WILL MISS YOUR APPOINTMENT!"

Thirty minutes later, Lois got tired of waiting for Peter. She thought, _Ugh what is taking him so long? I better see what the holdup is._

She then marched up the stairs and went into the bedroom; no signe went to the bathroom, where Peter was hiding behind the curtain. When he saw Lois walk in, Peter let out a scream,

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"PETER, GET OUT OF THE SHOWER AND GET DRESSED!" Lois said furiously.

Peter replied, "But I don't have anything clean to wear."

Lois then responded, "I just did laundry yesterday. You should have plenty of clothes to wear."

"You don't believe me Lois. My closet and drawers are empty," Peter said.

Lois then said, "Let me see."

Peter then followed her to their bedroom. Lois saw the empty closet and drawers.

"Peter, what happened?" Lois asked.

"I don't know," Peter responded, "You may have to wash some clothes of mine."

Lois then said, "There's no time. Just find the least dirtiest thing that you have to wear, put it on and after the hair appointment we will wash some -" She then sniffed, in which was an unpleasant odor. "Peter, what is that smell?!"

"Oh yeah," Peter said, "It's coming from the hamper."

Lois then walked to the hamper to find all of Peter's clothes, in which they were covered in poop.

"Peter, you crapped on your clothes?!" Lois said rather shocked.

Peter responded, "The toilet wasn't working."

Lois then did a facepalm, "Dear lord, Peter. What the hell has gotten into you?"

"Shit," Peter answered, "That's what's gotten into me. A whole lot of shit."

"Evidently," Lois responded, "Ugh, I better cancel the appointment."

"YAY!" Peter exclaimed, "THAT MEANS I GET TO KEEP MY MILEY CYRUS HAIRCUT!"

Lois then tried to say, "Um Peter-" but Peter just ran downstairs with excitement singing,

"I GET TO KEEP MY MILEY CUT! I GET TO KEEP MY MILEY CUT! WOOOO! HOOOOO!"

Meg then walked in the same room as Peter was in and said, "Um Dad, why the hell are you naked, again?"

"Shut up, Meg," Peter said, "I am trying to celebrate the fact that your mom canceled my hair appointment."

He then did a cartwheel, only to bump his head on the wall.

"OW! DAMN IT! That really hurt like hell. Anyway," he said. Getting up, he then sang, "I GET TO KEEP MY MILEY CUT!"

Peter then went to Meg's newly repaired room. Before hand, the hole in the house finally got fixed.

Peter grabbed some clothes from her closet, and squeezed into them.

Just as Meg entered and saw her dad, she said, "Dad, what are you doing in my room, putting on my clothes?"

"Now Meg," Peter began, "Sharing is caring. Did you not remember that? We are family and families share."

"But Dad, you are wearing my clothes," Meg pointed.

"Shut up, Meg," Peter responded, "I'm going out and all of my clothes have crap on them, so I am wearing your clothes. Deal with it!" As soon as Peter was dressed, he left Meg's room and went out.


	7. Comforting Brian

**Sorry it took me this long to get my next chapter published. I've been having writer's block and school has been keeping me busy.**

* * *

Chapter 7

That night, Brian laid awake in agony. He could not sleep due to the pain of his shattered bones. He wanted to toss and turn, but it was impossible due to the cast. He thought, _When will this end?_

The next morning, Quagmire asked Brian, "Hey Brian. Are you feeling any better?"

"Not really," Brian, who had dark circles under his eyes and a pale complexion, replied both tiredly and miserably, "I couldn't sleep because my bones were hurting like hell and I feel very sick."

"Oh you poor thing," Quagmire replied, as he petted Brian.

Brian then said, in response to Quagmire's petting, "That actually does make me feel a little better."

"Well, why don't I make us some breakfast?" Quagmire then said.

"Okay," Brian replied, still feeling tired.

Quagmire went downstairs took cook fix the food. Thirty minutes later, Quagmire walked back upstairs with the food. He then took one of Brian's pills, put it into a sausage, and fed it to Brian.

As soon as he was finished eating it, Brian said, "Thanks Quagmire. You've been really good to me."

Suddenly, Quagmire's phone started to buzz.

"Hold on," Quagmire said to Brian. He then answered the phone and said, "Hello . . . oh hey Lacy . . . look it's not that I don't like you. The reason I can't take you on a date is because I have to take care of a hurt dog, who is sick right now . . . What do you want me to do; leave Brian all by himself? . . . He can't fucking move, what do you expect? . . . HE'S IN A FUCKING BODY CAST! DAMN IT! . . . BYE!"

Quagmire then hung up and explained, "That was Lacy, my girlfriend who has just dumped me thirty seconds ago."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Brian replied.

"It'll be fine," Quagmire replied, "Besides, there are other women to bang and Lacy wasn't hot enough. Now, is there anything that I can do to make you feel more comfortable?"

"Some extra pillows would be nice," Brian then said.

Quagmire then said, "I'll get you some. I'll be right back."

He then left the room and came back with two more large white pillows. He placed them under Brian's body.

"How's this?" Quagmire asked.

"I do feel more comfortable," Brian answered, "Thanks Quagmire."

"Oh it's nothing," Quagmire then said and to himself, he mumbled, "I can't believe Lacy had to be so uncompassionate."

Brian replied, "I know exactly how you feel, but you know what, if Lacy can't be compassionate enough to understand this situation, then she doesn't deserve you. She probably is hurting herself more than she is hurting you, as she had given herself a bad reputation; the reputation of being the kind of woman who doesn't care if her boyfriend has to take care of someone."

"Brian, that was some pretty good advice," Quagmire responded, "I'm going to try to remember that."

"Hopefully you will find someone who is understanding," Brian then added on.

"Thanks, Brian. That means so much to me," Quagmire replied.

Brian then chuckled slightly and said, "Well, they don't call me the 'voice of reason' for nothing."

Quagmire then said, "Say, if you are well enough, would you like to hang out with Joe and Cleveland, this Saturday?"

Brian could not believe what he just heard. Hanging out with Peter's group of friends was something that Brian wanted to do, but Quagmire's hatred towards him kept that from happening.

Brian finally said, "I would love that."

"Well I'm glad," Quagmire then said, "Now you need to get some rest. Let me know if you need anything."

Brian rested the rest of the morning. At around twelve o'clock, Quagmire came in, carrying a plate with a juicy steak on it.

"Hey Brian," Quagmire said, "I got you something."

When Brian smelled it, he then said, enthusiastically, "Is that steak! Because I love steak."

He then panted his tongue and tried to jump, only to remember that he was in a full body cast.

"Damn it," Brian responded to his immobility. He then thought, _I can see what Joe has to go through_.

Quagmire placed the plate down and cut the steak into a few pieces. He then started feeding Brian. After he was done eating, Brian then said, "Wow. Thanks Quagmire. That steak was so frickin' good."

"I'm glad you liked it," Quagmire replied, and as he petted Brian, he said, "You're such a good boy."

"Aww, Quagmire," Brian responded, "I'm feeling better already."

* * *

 **I don't usually do this and I'm not sure if most authors do this or not, but I just extended this chapter because I felt that it was too short. Don't worry, there will be more chapters coming.**


	8. Friendship up a level

Chapter 8

When Saturday night rolled around, Quagmire and Brian arrived to the Drunken Clam, where they met Joe and Cleveland.

"Hey Quagmire," Cleveland said, "and Brian. Long time no see."

"Hey guys," Joe added, "Say, I'm a little confused."

"Me too," pointed Cleveland, "I thought you two hated each other."

"We did hate each other," Quagmire addressed.

Brian then added, "But we finally made up. In fact this guy has been taking care of me."

"What happened to you?" Cleveland wondered.

"Yeah," Joe restated, "What did happen to you?"

Brian then began to explain the story. He talked about how he got hit by the wrecking ball and how his family did not want to help him because he was not human. He also brought up Quagmire's shocking concern.

Telling his side of the story, Quagmire began, "My hatred towards him got replaced with sympathy and concern, and that sympathy and concern combined with Brian appreciating my hospitality brought us both together."

"So you've been spending all of your time taking care of Brian?" Joe responded.

"Pretty much," Quagmire answered, "I went from pervert to caretaker."

Brian then said, "His care humbled me. I never felt so in need like this before, but I also never felt this cared about."

"Wow, Quagmire has really turned over a new leaf," Joe responded, "But let's hope that he didn't lose his giggity."

"Don't worry," Quagmire replied, "I still got it. I just put it aside. That's all."

Changing the subject, Cleveland then suggested, "How about we play, 'Would you rather?"

Brian then said, "Sounds great."

"Just like old times," Quagmire added.

"YEAH! LET'S DO THIS!" Joe shouted.

Cleveland then asked, "Okay. Would you rather have sex with a pole or with an anaconda?"

Brian then joked, "It depends. If the second don't want none unless there's buns, then I go with it."

"I agree with Brian," Quagmire added, "I'd pick the one that's the most giggity, but then again, I already have an anaconda, so maybe I should go with the pole."

"But what if the anaconda is female?" Cleveland asked jokingly.

"Then I go with the anaconda," Quagmire said, "And if the anaconda were male and I was female, same thing."

 _A male anaconda and a female blonde were in the same bed._

" _So, how are we going to have sex?" The female blonde wondered._

 _The anaconda then replied, "I will just slither inside your you know what."_

 _The female human then agreed, "Great idea."_

 _From inside the house, to outside, an excited squeal was heard._

" _OH YEAH BABY! GET IN THERE! WOOOOOO!"_

Meanwhile, it was Stewie's bedtime, yet he had trouble sleeping. Stewie felt a combination of happiness and sadness. Stewie shed a few tears and his heart hurt really bad, yet still smiled. Stewie could not stand this feeling. He still had his time machine to stop Brian from getting hurt, but he then would have stopped him and Quagmire from getting along and would then feel terrible for ruining such an amazing thing, but he also depressed that an amazing thing for himself and Brian was ruined.

"I'm glad that Brian and Mr. Quagmire are friends," he choked, "but I miss Brian and I'm lonely."

For four long hours, Stewie thought the whole situation over and the possible solutions. Finally, he lit up and said, "I know what I must do."

Stewie then grabbed a backpack and started packing his stuff. He then said to Rubert, his Teddy, "Rubert, we are running away to find Brian and be with him once again . . . Who cares about the rest of the family? Brian is my only friend and I am going to get him back."

He then pulled out a sheet of paper and wrote with a crayon,

 _Dear family,_

 _I have ran away from home to be with Brian again, so don't bother to try to bring me home. It's for the best. Brian is my only friend and I am going to take care of him the same way he takes care of me._

 _Signed, Stewie_

 _PS. Shut up, Meg._

Stewie then snuck out the window, with his rope shooter; got on his trike; and headed to Quagmire's house. Nothing was going to stop him from reuniting with his canine friend.


	9. 1st Brian, Now Stewie

The next morning, Brian and Quagmire woke up with a surprise..

"Stewie? What the hell are you doing here?" Brian wondered at the sight of Stewie laying wide awake.

Stewie responded, "Oh, hey Brian. Did you miss me?"

Quagmire then asked, "Stewie what are you doing here?"

The baby explained, "I decided to move in with you because I need Brian, but he will never move back in with us. Please, Mr. Quagmire, Brian is my only friend and the only one to make my life bearable. He was always there for me and I want to be there for him."

Quagmire did not know what to say. Looking at the expression on Stewie's face made it hard for him to say "no" but he knew he could not take care of both an injured dog and a baby. Sure he did have a baby at some point, but even it was too hard for him to care for, which was why he ended up putting her for adoption.

Quagmire finally said, "Stewie, I know how much you miss Brian, but sometimes we have to move on."

Stewie then teared up, "I can't move on. I can't knowing that he's hurt and I'm not there for him. Like I said before, he was always there for me. In fact, he was there for the whole family."

Quagmire replied, "And I'm there for him too. Trust me Stewie, it's going to get better."

"I just want my friend back and I want everything to be normal again. I mean, not that our family was ever normal, but you know what I mean," Stewie said still crying.

Brian and Quagmire could not help but feel bad for Stewie.

"Man, poor Stewie," Brian said to Quagmire.

Quagmire replied, "I know. He doesn't seem to be taking this very well."

Stewie continued to cry even longer. Finally, Quagmire wrapped an arm around him and consoled, "Stewie, everything will be okay."

Brian added, "Quagmire's right. Everything will be fine. I would hug you if I wasn't all casted up."

"Wait," responded Stewie, "You want to hug me?"

"Yes," Brian said, "I know how much you miss me."

Stewie replied, "How about I hug you?"

"Sure," Brian said and Stewie hugged him.

Meanwhile, back at the Griffins' house, Lois found the letter that Stewie left in his crib.

"What is this?" Lois said, in response to the letter. After reading it, she finally said, "Oh no. Stewie ran away. First it was Brian and now my little Stewie. Oh, this family is falling apart."

Lois then walked to the bathroom, where Peter was blow-drying his Miley Cyrus haircut.

"PETER!" Lois shouted, as she knocked on the door, "COME OUT!"

"HOLD ON LADY!" Peter shouted, "I'm still fixing my hair."

"PETER! THIS IS AN EMERGENCY! OUR SON, STEWIE RAN AWAY!"

Peter finally cut off the blow-dryer and shouted, "WHAT?"

Lois replied, "STEWIE RAN AWAY!"

Peter then opened the door.

Lois then said, "We will discuss your hair later, but right now we need to notify Chris and Meg of the news.

As soon as everyone gathered into the living room, Lois finally began to break the news to their adolescent kids.

"We have some bad news," Lois began.

"Is the world ending?" Chris wondered.

"Are there going to be more episodes where I get tortured?" Asked Meg.

"No, it's not that," Lois answered, "You know how Brian moved out, right?"

"Right," Chris said.

"Right," Meg added.

"Well," Lois began, "Stewie has also done the same. He ran away to Mr. Quagmire's house to be with Brian."

"WHAT?!" The two shouted.

"I get that Stewie misses Brian," Chris added, "But why would he run away?"

Peter finally stood up and confessed, "This was all because of me. If I hadn't been so selfish and caught up with pretending to be a celebrity that I am not nor hurt my best friend, our pet, and our family member; none of this would have happened. Stewie ran away because he needs Brian, and so do we."

Lois then said, in amazement, "Peter, I'm so glad that you are actually feeling remorse."

Peter replied, "That's because I realized I messed up big time and I need to make it up to him."

Lois suggested, "Well, I think we should go back to Quagmire's house and try to get Brian to come home, which would also get Stewie to come home as well."

"Great idea," Peter remarked.

"Well, what are we waiting for?" Meg replied, "Let's Go."

Peter then replied, "Shut up, Meg."

And so the Griffins went to Quagmire's house and Peter was the one to ring the doorbell.

"Oh, hello, Peter," Quagmire said.

"Hey Quagmire," Peter said, "Is Brian here?"

"He is," Quagmire answered. He then led the Griffins to the bed, where Brian and Stewie were laying in.

"Hey Brian," Peter said.

"Oh hey Peter," Brian replied.

"Hey fatman," Stewie added, rather jokingly.

Peter began, "Brian, you know why we came here today or why I came here?"

"No," Brian replied.

Peter continued, "It's because I wanted to let you know that I'm sorry. I'm sorry I hurt you and never cared for you when you needed it the most. I should have never done that. I should have taken care of you, considering I was the one that injured you. Brian, our family is a wreck and we can't live without you. You made our lives great and we miss that."

Brian then replied, "Peter, I forgive you."

Peter couldn't believe his ears, "You forgive me?"

"Yes," Brian said, "I forgive you because I know I'm going to get better and I know you feel remorse. I also forgive you because you are the reason the feud between me and Quagmire ended. You brought us together. I don't know if I will ever be my old self again, but I know that I'm not forever destroyed."

Peter then said, "So does that mean you will move back in with us?"

Quagmire added, "I think that you should. Your family needs you and guess what. I will come to visit and you can come and visit me again anytime."

Brian finally said, "You know what? I'm moving back in and Quagmire, I have something to say to you."

"What is it?" Quagmire asked.

"Thank you," Brian began, "Thank you for taking care of me. Thank you for helping me cope with my condition. Thank you for keeping me happy. You are a really good friend and one day, I will repay you."

Quagmire then hugged Brian and the two began to cry.

"I'm going to miss you," Quagmire said.

"And I will miss you too," Brian replied, "And I will visit you sometime."

The whole family then began to cry and not a single eye was dry. It was a very emotional moment for everyone.


	10. Not so Status Quo

After Brian returned home, the Griffins chipped in to take care of him. They did all the things that Quagmire did for him: fed him, took him to get surgery, etc. Peter also stopped pretending to be Miley Cyrus, had his hair changed back, and helped take care of Brian.

As for Quagmire, he felt a sense of both freedom and emptiness, but mostly emptiness. He felt free because he no longer had to take care of Brian, but empty because his new friend and somewhat of a roommate, was now gone. To Quagmire, Brian began to feel like a brother he never had, that finally entered his life, but left again.

Six months later, Brian, who was finally out of the cast, yet on crutches, said to himself, "I don't know how to ever return the favor."

Stewie then chimed, "What favor?"

Brian explained, "The favor of Quagmire helping me while I was casted up."

"Oh that," Stewie replied, "I know what you should do."

Later on, that same day, Quagmire received a letter in the mail. Quagmire opened it up and it read,

 _Dear Quagmire,_

 _Meet us at our place, Friday at six PM._

 _Signed,_

 _The Griffins._

That said day and time, Quagmire arrived, but when he entered, the lights were out.

"What is this?" Quagmire wondered.

Suddenly, the lights flickered on and a lot of people popped out shouting,

"SURPRISE!"

"What's going on?" Quagmire wondered.

Just then, Brian walked out saying, "It's a surprise party, to celebrate our friendship and to repay you for what you have done for me."

"Wow," Quagmire responded, "That was so sweet of you."

Everyone then surrounded, the two.

"We are very glad that you became friends the past year," Lois said.

"Thanks, Lois," Quagmire replied.

Brian threw off his crutches for a while and Quagmire crouched down to him. The two then hugged each other.

"Brian," Quagmire began, "Thank you for the party and I'm glad that you are okay."

"No, Quagmire," Brian replied, "Thank you."

Stewie then said, "Okay, enough with the huggies. LET'S PARTY!"

And that is what everyone did. They partied to celebrate this amazing and life changing event that happened between Brian and Quagmire.

A year and a half later, Brian finally got off his crutches and was back to how he was before, except no longer enemies with Quagmire.

* * *

 **Sorry the last chapter was a bit short, but thank you all for reading and I hoped that you enjoyed it.**


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